Question: I’m divorced and have quite a bit of money. Several years ago I was involved with a guy who, once he learned of my wealth, used me as his personal ATM. Recently I started seeing someone new, and I think I could get serious about him. Given past experience, I’m thinking it might be better not to tell him about my money. Would that be ethical, or is there a point at which I have to speak up?

Answer: If you’re becoming seriously involved with this man, you need to tell him. After all, you’d expect him to be forthcoming about his having five kids or having been addicted to painkillers, right? Well, he surely expects you to trust him with comparably important information, and justifiably so. Moreover, if you end up in a committed relationship, your resources are going to play a major role in your life together. Hence you need to be certain they don’t present a problem. This means confirming not only that he’s more honorable than your last guy, but also that he’s not threatened by your wealth. Keeping mum prevents you from getting a true assessment of your partner.

We understand that being exploited by Mr. Wrong has left you leery of revealing your resources. But believe us, the problem in that situation was his character, not your money. Your judgment surely has improved by virtue of that experience, and there are much better men around than that guy. We hope the man you’re seeing now is one of them. But you won’t know until you tell him about your wealth and see what effect it has on him and on your relationship.

Questions? Email Money Magazine’s ethicists – authors of “Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?” (Free Press) – at FlemingandSchwarz@right-thing.net.

Question: When my grandmother died, she left most of her beautiful antiques to me. Now Mom wants me to share these with her sister’s two daughters. But neither of my cousins had anything to do with my grandmother for at least 10 years before her death, because my aunt and my grandmother were estranged. Mom says I need to do this to keep peace in the family. Must I? I know my cousins will just sell everything I give them.

Answer: An admirable goal, peace in the family, and you’re certainly obligated to take your mother’s request seriously. What you’re not obligated to do, however, is to suspend your own judgment of the reasonableness – or likely effectiveness – of what she’s proposing. And you should certainly take into account what your grandmother would have thought of the deal. It’s one thing if your mother is trying to make up for what was your grandmother’s unfair treatment of your aunt, say, and another if your mother is simply succumbing to her sister’s and nieces’ whining or bullying.

Then too, nothing says you can’t meet your mother’s request part way. For example, you might give each of your cousins just a single antique – ones you believe they might actually enjoy keeping. Another possibility: Specify in your will that some of the antiques go to your cousins or their children, thus ensuring that their “line” ultimately shares in these lovely mementos of your grandmother’s life. Finally, you wouldn’t be wrong to discuss with your mother whether there aren’t some things she inherited from your grandmother that could serve the same diplomatic purpose with her sister’s family as the antiques she’s asked you to part with.

Questions? Email Money Magazine’s ethicists – authors of “Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?” (Free Press) – at FlemingandSchwarz@right-thing.net.

Question: I’m a research assistant at a large consulting firm. Recently I noticed a significant error in a report prepared by a co-worker who’s always acting superior to me. It’s not my job to proof this report, so I’ve said nothing. The report’s about to go out, and I hope Julie gets in trouble. My friends are appalled, but I don’t think I owe it to this woman to bail her out. Am I right?

Answer: When it comes to having to save (or not save) a colleague from a trip to the woodshed, you ordinarily have a bit of leeway. The problem in this situation is that your silence punishes one of two innocent bystanders: the company you work for or its client. If the client discovers the error, it may revise its opinion of your employer and take its business elsewhere. And if the client doesn’t notice, it could be harmed by fallout from the mistake.

While it may not be your job to proof the report, you still have an obligation as an employee to speak up when you see something’s wrong. If you worked in an operating room and Julie were about to amputate the wrong leg, would you remain silent? Just because the consequences in your situation are less obvious doesn’t make them any less real.

One way or another you must notify the project manager of the error before the report goes out. So tell the manager and become a candidate for Employee of the Month, tell the whole office and embarrass your nemesis, or alert Julie to the problem and hope her attitude toward you changes - whatever you like, as long as it gets the error corrected.

Questions? Email Money Magazine’s ethicists – authors of “Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?” (Free Press) – at FlemingandSchwarz@right-thing.net.