Question: My mother, a widow in her early sixties, works in the administrative offices of a big conservation organization. While her pay is okay, she makes very large contributions to the nonprofit she works for. In return, Mom is duly recognized. But in the meantime she has only a small nest egg, and it’s not getting any bigger. Aren’t the development people where she works, who understand that her means are limited, wrong to solicit and accept so much of her money?

Answer: Absolutely. Soliciting money from someone when you know they can’t afford it is wrong. Period. It makes no difference whether you’re a snake-oil salesman peddling an overpriced piece of Florida swampland or a fund raiser for an environmental organization trying to preserve the same swamp. When you know that the deal you’re pushing runs counter to the interests of the person you’re pushing it on, you’re behaving unethically.

But as dishonorably as the development staff is acting, the buck stops with your mother. She’s the one making the decision to give. And just because her money is going to a good cause doesn’t change the fact that she’s failing to adequately save for retirement. By allocating her income in this way, she’s not being fair to the relatives who may one day be called upon to bail her out.

So unless you or another relative is prepared to supplement her nest egg, you should talk candidly with her about the potential long-term effects of such generosity. Emphasize that while you understand her concern for the future of the planet, you also want to make sure she’s paying attention to the future of her finances.

Questions? Email Money Magazine’s ethicists – authors of “Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?” (Free Press) – at FlemingandSchwarz@right-thing.net.

Question: I hate to say it, but my son-in-law is no good. Three nights a week he goes out with his buddies, leaving Melissa at home with their toddler. Recently, they asked my husband and me to help them with the down payment on a house. While we would like to help our daughter, we’re sure her marriage will end in divorce, and we would hate to see our hard-earned cash winding up in Josh’s pocket. What should we do?

Our answer: Leave your checkbook in the drawer.

While sabotaging your daughter’s marriage would of course be wrong, being realistic about the likelihood that it will succeed is not. If there is a good chance that this marriage is not going to last, pouring your money into the couple’s joint assets is a bad idea. Not only do you risk having made a very large gift to your selfish son-in-law, but whatever you give them now means you’ll have that much less available with which to assist Melissa should she and Josh split up.

More generally, while helping an adult child with the down payment on a home is a wonderful thing to do, it’s not always the right thing, and it’s by no means an obligation of parenthood. Moreover, under no circumstances are you obligated to give money to a son-in-law you don’t like, especially one whose character concerns you. Since Melissa wants to make this large investment with Josh, that is a decision you must honor. But it is not one you’re required to bankroll. We only hope your daughter’s not imagining that, though having a baby hasn’t kept her husband home at night, having a mortgage will.

Questions? Email Money Magazine’s ethicists – authors of “Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?” (Free Press) – at FlemingandSchwarz@right-thing.net.