My own view on charitable giving is that one person should do one person’s worth, to be determined by that person. In other words, define your limits. Your neighbor will not know your limits until you tell him; something like, “I was happy to support you in three endeavors, but I have other charities in mind, so I am making that my limit.” As E Roosevelt is reputed to have said, “No one can take advantage of you without your permission.”

I just say I already donated to that charity or sponsored someone for that event, ect. Then I’m not the bad person (or at least no one can accuse me of it) and I get out of the donation. And if they press too much, I just say that I have my own charities that I believe in and donate to.

Who says you have ANY obligation to your neighbor for ANYTHING? Tell him NO.

If your friend can’t understand why you don’t have money to give for every cause, they aren’t really a friend…and should be punished.

Just pay your neighbor the money or you’ll be branded as the cheapskate in the neighborhood and nobody will like you.

i HAD A FRIEND WHO WAS ACTIVE IN FUND RAISING. i TOLD HIM i WOULD GIVE X DOLLARS A YEAR AND HE COULD CHOOSE WHICH ONE.

In 1998 I joined into a General Partnership with my now husband.We were married in 2001 I was not divorced until 2000. We are Interior Trim carpenters. I do all the book keeping plus I Do all the cutting. Well my husband had a modification this year with his support in PA. Now because he didn’t make enough with his 49% They said I didn’t deserve my cut of the business because I DIDN’T PERFORM EQUAL LABOR! I have worked for 9 years doing this business and have paid the taxes on my 51% for all this time and still will when our taxes are done this year. Not only that but I have a child that I get 174 a month for in support and now they have used my income to get his support order of 700 a month. They took 23% of my income. I have tryed to fight this but so far have failed. His ex wife makes more then I do plus has been getting 479 a month. They had modified in 2003 and they used his 49% But all the sudden now they want mine. No one will help me…How is this ethical?

I sell various items fundraising items for my daughter’s private Lutheran school to supplement the cost of field trips, the yearbook, etc. All solicitations at work are made via our electronic bulletin board and all solicitations to friends are via very casual comments (if you want one, I’m selling them, nothing more than that) or via e-mail to family. I don’t ask people face to face because I think it’s easier to say no via e-mail or to just not respond at all. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying to raise money for a cause you support and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying no when you can’t or do not want to support something.

I always used to support charities per friend’s requests. Then I ended up deluged with tons of info from that charity and even worse, I receive a lot of cold calls and solicitations of “like” agencies. This has continued years after I stopped donating. I am totally disgusted now and only donate thru my church.

I ask for the charities tax payer ID so that I can contribute through my employer and take advantage of the employer match. That way I can give less and the charity gets more. Also, that weeds out people who are looking for money for illegitimate charities.

I’ve been saying no to friends for years regarding support of their charitable causes. Most of them get the message over time. I don’t ask my friends to support me, either. It works both way.s

We’re talking adults asking adults. Saying “No” is OK. If my friends never mention they are in a charitable event for fear of “pressuring me” then how am I supposed to know and support them and how are they to know that I would want to support them? I can’t see that the one asking is doing anything inappropriate by asking.

I tend to agree with you in this matter. I used to buy everything our 5 kids were selling throughout their school years in order to not have them hitting up our friends.

At this point of my life (72 years young) I no longer have the where withall to support a lot of stuff even though I really want to. As an artist I have created different series of art such as my Clown Art Series and all my personal profits from those sales are donated to the St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital and my royalties from my 5 published books go to the National Breast Foundation.

When the local charities call upon me and I do not have the available cash, I donate a painting or a piece of art which they auction off and much to their delight they usually get a bigger financial result than I can give them nowadays.

So perhaps this might not work for many people, but with works financially and ethically for me.

The proper course of action is simple: The charitable contribution should be a function of the neighbor’s value to the potential giver. For most instances, the contribution should be ZERO to most people who ask for charity with the requisite “white lie” explaining why you cannot give in order to maintain some level of social order because 1) their friendship is probably sort of nice to have but not really worth any monetary cost, or 2) the potential for the friendly relationship is not enough to justify the monetary cost.

My analysis concludes that 97.3% of all relationships are not worthy of any monetary charitable contribution or remuneration. Approximately 1.9% of relationships are somewhat worthy of monetary contributions as they are either close family members or friends who have at least 235% higher net worth than you do (these relationships are very important to maintain as they can potentially help you out in the future although one must first analyze the likelihood that those individuals are charitable as well). However, even in these instances, the amount of giving must be limited to no more than 0.6% of net monthly income. The remaining 0.8% are people who must be treated very charitably as they are 1) people who have at least 65% impact upon your own net income (bosses, large supply vendors, etc.) and 2) people who you find very/extremely attractive in the physical sense (very good looking neighbors who you may want to pursue romantic relationships with are obviously going to need charitable contributions for you to have any hope). These individuals can be allotted up to 7.6% of net monthly income depending on the status of the relationship or the level of attractiveness.

In summary, the conclusion is that charitable giving responses must be a function of who is asking for the charity.

Seriously people. NO ONE said you have to give $100 each time. You can always cut the contribution if you know that your neighbor does a lot of events. Give $10 for five events instead of $50 for one. You will still be contributing, but spending the same amount of money.

You can always say “no”. But most people are not charitable enough.

OK folks here’s the deal: Imagine working for a company that lavishly supports a particular charity with MY time (that they pay for) and MY money (which once they pay it and its taxed, becomes mine).

I detest this employer-largesse that is actually funded by me; is actually tracked by my employer; is a factor, significant or not, in my career enhancement; and happens many times each year (count them, SO FAR this year I have received ~30 official solicitations and some ~25 unofficial ones - the latter ALL made by folks who outrank me by a little and often by a lot).

The name of the organization that benefits - can’t say it here, but initials are “UW,” which is everywhere, pays its city representatives $200K per year and its national leadership millions.

I wish my officers would understand that refusing such solicitations is NOT a symptom of unwillingess to go along or unwillingess to support corporate goals.

It is unwillingess to be “lead,” outside of the workplace.

I agree with the comment about posting a flyer at work, or handing out notes when people are gone. It’s effective and polite.

I don’t worry about hurting a friendship by saying “no thanks” when asked for money, but it really bothers me if someone repeatedly asks and begs for donations. If someone says “come on”, or “don’t you want to help so and so”, I’ll just say no right away. Asking for donations is fine, but if you try to guilt or pressure someone into donating, that’s not a sign of a good friend. I give to my own causes/charities and don’t have time or money to be helping out everyone else’s interests.

Personally, I think a small percentage of groups have ruined donations because they were greedy and lined their own pockets.

My parents never let me do the whole school fund raiser things because they believe it really only benefited the people running it and not the school.

I used to hate raising money for student events. I was in the band, and there was enormous pressure to sell, sell, sell all kinds of junk. One thing we had to sell was wrapping paper, which was exactly the same stuff the elementary school kids were selling. Not surprisingly, most people would rather buy from the cute 7 year old than the 17 year old. I didn’t mind the fund raising activities where I earned the cash - car washes, rent-a-student, etc.

Charity “events” are a bad return on investment in the first place. They are usually coordintated by FOR PROFIT event planners and a large portion of collected donations go to expenses. It’s much better to write a check directly to the charity instead of donating through one of these events.

Check out http://www.charitynavigator.org to see a rating of different charity’s expenses and efficiency before donating.

I also completey disagree with the authors. They are saying it is more ethical to say “Maybe Next Time” instead of an honest “No”. We shouldn’t blame someone else for asking us to do something nice or charitable, but if we are unwilling to do it we should politely refuse. Honesty really works.

Most people have too few, not too many, charitable interests. Sure, I’m note interested in my bridge partner’s “neuter and release feral cats” program and won’t give her a dime, but being asked opens my eyes to needs. All of us need our eyes opened, even if we don’t support the charity.

What’s so difficult about saying, “I already contributed to one” (or two or three as the case may be) “and need to give my wallet a rest for a while.” I don’t really like asking anyone to hand over money and don’t like being asked to, but one charitable exchange between the two of you should be sufficient for a while and he should understand that you were nice to contribute once or more, and your pockets might have bottom limits.

I disagree as well. Unfortunately, since the two of you have discussed charity–a conversation you initiated–he probably thinks you _are_ more than happy to give. If you’ve never so much as indicated that you aren’t, you have only yourself to blame. From your letter, it doesn’t sound as if he’s pressuring you, just that he’s asking, which–all due respect to the experts–he’s obligated to do if he joined the run.

You don’t have to be rude to say no. Just make it clear that you’re saying no to the charity, not to him. Frankly, if you’re incapable of saying no when someone asks you for a donation, it’s probably an indication that you would be deeply bothered if he said no to you. In that case, you shouldn’t raise money for charity. Stop participating in fundraising drives like these and volunteer instead.

I don’t agree at all with the “ethicists”. Who has ESP and can be “reasonably certain” what another human being wants to do? This line of thinking would have us all stop helping worthy causes so as not to make anyone uncomfortable. The trouble lies in the assumption that giving shows your friendship. You can be great friends and say, no! Grow a pair, please. And for all of us who do ask, I ALWAYS give people the space to say no — it’s just a donation, not a reflection of our friendship.

I’m a runner and enjoy attempting different types of distance races. My general gut feeling is to ask for contributions for no more than one event per year from any set of friends/coworkers. Otherwise, as the original letter indicates, it’s really frustrating and annoying to the people with the checkbooks.

Part of being a society and friends is that we share each other’s concerns. I think we are already too far along the path of everybody for himself.

The real thing to me about asking people for money is the humbling nature of it. It is the closest thing in my life to begging. I find it terribly uncomfortable, but I think that lack of comfort is important. It is a reminder that we can’t do everything ourselves and that we do need each other.

Personally, I am always happy to support what my friends or coworkers are interested in. I miss the days when I was younger and more of my friends did fundraising.

On a practical note, in the workplace I have tended to leave donation requests at people’s desk overnight. That way there is no pressured set up for a donation.

Run the damn race with him. Offset the problem. “What a great cause, neighbor, I think I will join you.” At least you get a shirt out of the deal.

I agree completely with the authors. What is with you narcissistic do-gooders? Mind your own business and stop acting like you are entitled to the contents of other people’s wallets and paychecks! Nobody thinks you’re a hero for going around finagling, harassing, and guilting people into turning over their meager earnings for your vainglorious and useless projects. Just can it.

Well everybody is talking about charity.. I thought why not…
We have a charity run/walk in the SF valley, Los Angles. Its for charity.. Anyone interested can join.. Google Search words “LA VIBHA”

I’m raising funds so I can go teach HIV/AIDS education in Africa. I created a website using a popular web search engine program and posted a flyer with the web address in the company break room. People can choose to log on and donate while reading over the information at home instead of scanning a piece of paper while I stand there waiting for a signature. I’ve been getting great feedback and I encourage people who raise money for different causes to give it a shot.

The 5k road races charge too much to enter the races. Runners don’t need any more stupid tshirts or medals from the race participation. They just want to run for fun and competition. Make a lower entry fee for those runners who want to run without going poor and don’t want a race tshirt. Encourage additional donations, but make a reasonable entry fee that won’t keep otherwise interested runners home.

Give a lesser amount

I completely disagree. As a friend, you should feel comfortable asking any of your friends or acquaintances to support a charitable activity you are participating in. And as a friend, you shouldn’t be upset or bothered if your friends say “no.”
When you participate in events in which you need to raise money, the goal is to raise as much as you can. You believe in the charity - you want to do as much as you can for it. By reaching out to your social network, you’re trying to do just that.
It’s not about keeping score - i.e. if I donate to their charity they need to donate to mine or I’ll feel slighted.
I do agree with focusing your charitable donations on charities you believe in, as opposed to ones your friends believe in.
In this case, I think a completely appropriate response might be “I think it’s great you’re doing this. I can’t support you financially this time but hey, if you want a running partner one day I’d be happy to join you to help you train.” Or “You know what, I’m strapped for cash right now and I’m focusing my resources on these charities I really believe in. But keep me posted on how you’re doing, I’d love to hear how the run goes.”
You’re still showing your friend you support them, without donating financially. Any reasonable friend should take this as a heart-felt gesture and be ok with it and not feel slighted because you didn’t give them money.

If everyone quit asking everyone else for donations, then you could fully fund your own charitble act/institution/fund with all the money you would have given everyone else plus your own extra money.

I LEARNED THIS FROM A NICE 80 YEAR OLD LADY FROM MAINE : *NOR I BORROW NOR I LEND*. SAY TO YOUR FRIEND, I VALUE YOUR FRIENDSHIP AND FOR THAT I ASK, REGARDING ANY REQUEST FOR CONTRIBUTIONS, SEND IT BY MAIL. WHEN MY MEANS ALLOW IT, I WILL CONSIDER IT. THANK YOU.
NOTE: ANY LEGIT ORGANIZATION IS TAX DEDUCTABLE AND THE SUM IS PRIVATE.

Quit being cheap and cut your neighbor a check!

B.S. America used to be charitable. Look at the numbers. Say No or Yes and don’t worry about it. But, we need more people raising money for all the worthy causes or the government will do it at more expense. ie.. Make sure it is a good cause with some research.

This is a significantly more annoying problem in the workplace. While it’s not easy to tell your neighbor you can’t/won’t support their charity (regretably, of course), it’s a lot more uncomfortable to choose not to participate when 14 co-workers are passing around a sign-up sheet at lunch.