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Question: We frequently take ski trips with another couple. The problem is, every time we do, Rob and Claire help themselves to the nicest bedroom in the condo we share. My wife says that this is only fair since Claire usually finds and books the condos. I say since we’re paying half, we should get the better room as often as they do. Who’s right?

Our Answer: Sick of climbing into the bunk beds in that dark little bedroom by the utility closet, are you? We’re with you. If two couples are splitting the bill, the better room goes to the folks who didn’t have it on the last trip, not the couple who are quickest to park their bags there. But for this to happen with Rob and Claire, you’re going to have to speak up. There’s no other way out of the dungeon.

If they claim that Claire has earned the better room by playing travel agent, they’d have a point, just as your wife says. But if that’s how they feel, they’re obligated to say so and not simply extract their “fee.” After all, you might prefer their side of the deal - the condo booker gets the best room - to the side they’ve unilaterally assigned you.

Whatever your friends’ reasoning, be prepared to start taking turns making the travel plans when you tell them you want to start taking turns with the master bedroom. And should you ever vacation with another couple, put deciding who gets what on the table the first time the good-vs.-bad-room situation arises. Nipping the problem in the bud is a lot easier than taking back a benefit that longtime vacation pals have come to take for granted.

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Posted 11:01 am 27 Comments comment | Add a comment

We know a couple in another state who are FAMOUS for doing this to their so-called ‘friends’.

With friends like this, who needs enemies?!

Posted By Susan, La Jolla, CA : February 16, 2008 10:45 am

Paul is a bigger ass.

Posted By ben there omaha neb : February 15, 2008 4:23 pm

jaime is an ass

Posted By paul alvarez, ny ny : December 27, 2007 3:59 pm

Next time, tell them at the last minute that you can’t go. Call me. I’ll go.

Posted By Jaime, Livingston, TX : September 7, 2007 1:03 am

My husband goes on hunting trips with two friends and they share one room - but not beds. To decide who sleeps on the rollaway cot, they play cards the first night, and the loser sleeps on the rollaway. No problem.

Posted By KKM, Madison, WI : August 28, 2007 12:01 pm

um, i might want to find new friends, or at least have your living arrangements in separate quarters — that way no one has to worry about a thing. snobs is what they sound like to me.

Posted By stephanie, pa : August 28, 2007 12:51 am

You’re sharing this problem with the rest of the world, and not them?

c’mon. Grow a pair.

Posted By Cody, Burbank, CA : August 26, 2007 1:41 pm

What about friends who always welcome you whenever they want to get together, but when you call to get together they always have something to do, and cannot come ?

Posted By Kent San Francisco CA : August 26, 2007 1:29 pm

Let your friends have the better room. It does not matter what room you get in the end. All that matters is that you guys get to hang out with one another.

Posted By Yadgyu, Harkeyville, TX : August 26, 2007 2:50 am

Sounds like they’re not very good friends, at least in this case. Picking up the phone and talking for five minutes “earns” them the best room? Every time?

Some posters think it’s a non-issue but the “friends” are being selfish and rude.

Posted By Mike, Omaha, NE : August 25, 2007 12:59 pm

WOW, of all the possible problems, you choose to whine about this one? What’s next, your wife decides to divorce you for being a sissy? Stand up for yourself! Simple as that.

Posted By Kyle, Austin TX : August 24, 2007 3:53 pm

Talk to your friends. You should be able to work something out. They probably think you’re ok with the arrangements because nothing has been said. Otherwise, like an earlier blog, you do the booking next time and get the better room.

Posted By BB, Manassas, Va : August 24, 2007 3:00 pm

I can’t believe you actually need advice on this.

Posted By Brian, Oakland, CA : August 24, 2007 2:19 pm

Is this for real? This isn’t exactly newsworthy … it’s such a “duh” question.

Posted By No Big Deal : August 24, 2007 12:41 pm

Selfish friends aren’t worth keeping.

Plain-and-simple.

Posted By Andrew, Bakersfield, CA : August 24, 2007 12:40 pm

Quit complaining…how much time do you spend in the room on a ski vacation anyway?….be glad you have good friends to go with. Quit being a big baby.

Posted By Paul, Louisiana : August 24, 2007 9:47 am

This is strange. All this time your friends have been taking advantage of you just by spending a wee-bit of extra effort by finding the condo. If you are equally splitting the bill and you’ve never enjoyed the better room, you need to take it up directly with your friends. Otherwise, stop being lazy and find a condo next time you guys go out with your friends.

Posted By Anonymous : August 24, 2007 8:09 am

If you’re friends, it shouldn’t be too difficult to discuss your thoughts calmly while still maintaing adulthood friendship. This is something petty that shouldn’t fall in the way of your friendship, with speak up or forget about it. Steaming does you no good.

Posted By Heidi, Dallas, TX : August 24, 2007 12:28 am

These people’s friends recently
(like in the past month) wrote to Miss Manners,
but I guess they didn’t like what she
said:
The trip-bookers, as hosts, should give
the best room to their guests.

I’m not sure I agree. It is best to
book a trip where there are all good
rooms.

Posted By Anonymous, USA : August 23, 2007 10:41 pm

Alternatively, scrap the idea of sharing a condominium. Both couples may opt for separate hotel rooms, which still can be near to each other. That way, both are able to travel and enjoy companies together, minus the calculative thoughts.

Posted By Christopher, Melbourne, Victoria : August 23, 2007 9:30 pm

Either speak up or stop vacationing with them. A couple who always help themselves to the best room without saying anything to the other couple — especially when the bill is being split in half — don’t sound like good enough friends of yours to me.

Posted By Debby, New York, NY : August 23, 2007 9:12 pm

Seriously? Get a real problem…

Posted By John, Manchester, NH : August 23, 2007 9:03 pm

I disagree - If one couple is always doing the work of finding and planning the trip and the costs are being split equally, they absolutely have rights to the better room.

You don’t like that? Why don’t you take the lead to organize the next trip.. If they try to take the better room then, tell them “We always let you take the nicer room when you plan the trip, so since we planned this one I think we deserve the nicer room.” Or do you just want to reap the rewards without putting in any effort?

Posted By Anonymous : August 23, 2007 7:19 pm

Sounds like the booking couple like the idea of being in control - including stealing the room that suits them. Knowing their personality, probably they’d insist on booking the trip anyway, which shouldn’t entitle them to ‘all-time-best-room’ status.

Posted By Greg, Los Angeles CA : August 23, 2007 4:35 pm

I think they fully have the right to claim the better room. If it’s that big of a deal, offer to make the plans for the next trip and claim the master yourselves.

Posted By Anonymous : August 23, 2007 2:46 pm

So get your own condo and drop the idea of saving a few bucks.

Posted By Anonymous : August 23, 2007 1:30 pm

ted left her the money with the residual going to his alma mater. she can spend all she wants on her charity and leave the residual to his alma mater

Posted By peter glenside pa : August 23, 2007 12:38 pm

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Money Magazine's ethicists are the authors of "Isn't It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?" (Free Press, 2008). E-mail them at FlemingandSchwarz@right-thing.net

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