Honesty is the best policy.

This is bull *&^. Those colleges make a ton from tuition and other money coming in. I’d give them a gift of $25 and good riddance!!

Reading between the lines I’m going to assume that Ted is a fairly conservative chap and that the college he intended to donate his estate to has made some very politically correct moves that Ted would not approve of. In this case, I believe the wife is right to change the nature of the donation, since the original intended recipient has deviated from Ted’s core values and would be an unfitting legacy for Ted’s accumulated wealth.

I just lie all the time, that way there really is no “truth” when it comes to myself and the fairer sex…

If you are going to break a promise or lie, you have to be committed to that lie. I’ve always said women can smell a lie if you aren’t committed to actually believing it yourself.

I am a wise man.

Ted is playing games here.

All he had to do was give 95% of his estate to his wife and give 5% to the university. It is not a hard thing to do at all.

Ted’s wife is being foolish for asking for advice. If there is anything left over when she dies, she can leave it all to the university. If there is nothing left over, the school gets nothing. It’s not as if she has to give the money away while she is alive. When she is dead, she will not need the money. So why is she making a big deal about spending money after she dies? Who cares about the university’s changes? Either she shoudl leave the money when she dies or spend it all now.

I myself would spend it all now and bequeath a gift of $10 to the university. Money is meant to be spent on fun things. It should not be saved until death only to be snatched by the governments, lawyers, and uncaring relatives.

All I need is a $10,000 life insurance policy to bury me. I plan on leaving nothing because I am going to spend evry dime I have now on having fun!

Yadgyu says “I do not think that there were any changes that the writer disapproves of. She just wants an excuse to use the money for something that she enjoys. Her post is really about her trying to relieve herself of the guilt of not doing what Ted wanted her to do.”

But Yadgyu doesn’t really “think” this, because there is no basis for “thinking” about what the questioner’s motives might be. She tells us she thinks the university is making bad changes; we have zero zilch nada reason to doubt that. She has nothing to prove to us; all we can offer her is our thoughts on the morality of acting in a way she describes in a situation she describes, and if she’s lying to us then she has to accept that any advice she’s receiving is irrelevant. If she’s lying, then I doubt she can successfully ease her conscience even if we tell her what she’s doing is okay. She sure can’t “slip one by us” in any meaningful sense.

I’m not sure why, when asked a question that is interesting and meaningful only if we assume earnestness on the part of the asker, Yadgyu would try to assume the asker’s whole premise is a lie. (What is she trying to get away with? How does it profit her to choose one charity over another? Why assume THIS is the question of a deceitful person?)

I think the advice given by Fleming and Schwarz is basically sound, other than the “100% certain” part: there’s of course no way she could be 100% certain and so it’s a complete nonsequitur to mention that standard. Good enough if she has very strong reasons for believing that the dearly departed would approve her decision.

On the other hand, speaking as a guy who expects to leave behind a significant sum to my wife (in the event I die first), SHAME on Ted for telling his wife what to do. Far better had Ted said “I think leaving any leftover money to my alma mater would be a great move, but of course I love you and trust your judgment; do what you think is best”, and left it at that. (Well, I love and trust my wife that much, but I guess I shouldn’t impose that standard on others, should I?)

The asker should, at the end of the day, make her own decision and live with it.

Her husband left his entire estate to her knowing that she would do right with whatever is left, that is, honor his wish to donate it to his alma mater in his name.

Unlike Yadgyu, I don’t sense any manipulation by Ted here. What I suspect is that Ted wanted to insure that his wife had access to all of the money for the rest of her life, just in case she needed it for an emergency. But after her death he wants it to go to the University. It’s that simple.

I believe there are ways he could have insured that the money went to the school without depriving his wife during her remaining lifetime, such as a remainder trust. But I’m not an expert in the area, so I’m not sure about that.

What I AM sure of, however, is that if the wife made the promise to her husband, then she should keep it. PERIOD. She shouldn’t be second-guessing the dead. If you can’t trust your own spouse to follow your wishes after you are gone, who can you trust?

This is why there are wills…they include stipulations and backups for situations such as this!

Justin is a wise man.

Why would someone make a big deal about donating money to a college? I do not think that there were any changes that the writer disapproves of. She just wants an excuse to use the money for something that she enjoys. Her post is really about her trying to relieve herself of the guilt of not doing what Ted wanted her to do.

Unfortunately, Ted has passed away. If he really wanted the money to go to the university, he would have left a portion of his estate to the university. But he gave the money to his wife and made her promise him that she would bequeath a portion to his alma mater. I do not know what kind of guy Ted was, but I do sense some sort of manipulation on his part. But there is a simple solution to the dilemma at hand. His widow should either give ALL of his estate to the university or give NOTHING to the university. The university’s changes have nothing to do with the situation here. Either she does what she promised or she disobeys.

The money is the widow’s money. Either she should give the money away and be free of the guilt or get rid of the guilt now and keep the money for herself.

My friend Justin is a big fan of Yadgyu’s comment!

Ted is dead. Keep the money for yourself.

Would ted disapprove of changes if he was still alive? Maybe split the money between both charities in his name …