Question: We frequently take ski trips with another couple. The problem is, every time we do, Rob and Claire help themselves to the nicest bedroom in the condo we share. My wife says that this is only fair since Claire usually finds and books the condos. I say since we’re paying half, we should get the better room as often as they do. Who’s right?

Our Answer: Sick of climbing into the bunk beds in that dark little bedroom by the utility closet, are you? We’re with you. If two couples are splitting the bill, the better room goes to the folks who didn’t have it on the last trip, not the couple who are quickest to park their bags there. But for this to happen with Rob and Claire, you’re going to have to speak up. There’s no other way out of the dungeon.

If they claim that Claire has earned the better room by playing travel agent, they’d have a point, just as your wife says. But if that’s how they feel, they’re obligated to say so and not simply extract their “fee.” After all, you might prefer their side of the deal - the condo booker gets the best room - to the side they’ve unilaterally assigned you.

Whatever your friends’ reasoning, be prepared to start taking turns making the travel plans when you tell them you want to start taking turns with the master bedroom. And should you ever vacation with another couple, put deciding who gets what on the table the first time the good-vs.-bad-room situation arises. Nipping the problem in the bud is a lot easier than taking back a benefit that longtime vacation pals have come to take for granted.

Question:  My second husband left his entire estate to me, but he made me promise that I’d bequeath whatever remained of his money to his alma mater (we have no children).  Since Ted’s death, changes have occurred at the college that I disapprove of.  So I want to leave the money, in his name, to a very worthwhile charity I’m involved with – a charity I know he’d approve of.  Is there anything wrong with that?

Our answer: The question is not whether Ted would approve of your favorite charity.  The question is whether he’d share your disapproval of the changes at his alma mater and, if so, whether his disapproval would have led him to disinherit Old Ivy had he survived you.  In other words, the only ethical reason for you to break your promise is that you’re certain - 100% certain - that Ted would no longer want his money going to the school.

We say this because nothing in your letter suggests that Ted wanted you to decide how to dispose of his money.  On the contrary, the fact that he asked you to swear you’d leave it to his school is strong evidence that he didn’t want you to second guess him.

What you can do, though, is specify in your will that your bequest to the college be used for a purpose you approve of, provided you’re sure Ted would have approved of it as well.  Perhaps this means leaving the money for scholarships, perhaps to a specific department.  While the program you choose may not mean as much to you as the charity you’d prefer to support, at least you won’t have to hold your nose while you keep your word.